Ancient history: News story based on an informal Q&A with Harrison Ford

Posted on by knauff13

Harrison Ford

            He is among the most popular actors of the 20th century. Harrison Ford has starred in dozens of hit films, including the second-grossing film of all time, Star Wars. So what does it take to be such a popular actor? This was the topic of discussion in a recent informal interview after a screening of his hit new movie, Firewall.

When asked how he makes his roles come to life, Ford’s jovial side shined through. “Well, there is money involved,” he said.

Ford explained that acting is his job. As such, he takes it very seriously, and gives it everything he has.

Another subject of discussion was the choosing of scripts. Ford offered several things that pass through his mind as he mulls a script. He said he likes scripts that are different and challenging, but most of all he looks for scripts that will be entertaining.

“I think this is a service occupation where we are storytellers, and there’s no sense in telling stories that people don’t want to hear,” Ford said.

Looking forward, he said he would like to do a comedy at some point, because his resume is loaded with dramas, but the category of comedy is left wanting so far.

Ford, who early in his life worked as a carpenter and messenger boy for popular rock band The Doors, reflected on what made him decide to be an actor. As a philosophy major in college, he was looking for a class that would be an easy grade. He picked a drama class. Little did he know just how challenging it would be. At first he was scared witless, but angry with himself he became determined to overcome the feeling.

“When I did, I also found that what I was engaged in, with people trying to tell a story, was something that felt better than any other thing I’d ever done before,” he said.

He never planned on being a popular actor, though.

“I thought I was going to be a character actor. I thought I would be lucky to get jobs in television and stuff,” he said.

When Star Wars hit the screen in the 70’s, he quickly realized that he had a lot more to offer.

Since then, Ford has been in one hit film after another. He has played the consummate good guy in Indiana Jones, and the secretive bad guy in What Lies Beneath. With Indiana Jones 4 due for initial filming in summer 2006, expect to see more from this great actor soon.

Ancient history: Movie Review: Cinderella Man

Posted on by knauff13

Cinderella Man

            Cinderella Man is the inspiring story of James Braddock, the boxing legend who rose from poverty to win the heavyweight title during the great Depression. His story is so far-fetched, no one would believe it if it wasn’t true.

Braddock’s incredible story begins in the 1920’s, when Braddock was an up-and-coming challenger for the World Heavyweight Title. Sadly, his career was slowly de-railed by injuries to his hands. In the 1930’s, the midst of the depression, Braddock was stripped of eligibility to fight after breaking his hand in a “beer league” type match. Several years later, Braddock was given the chance to fight in Madison Square Garden for a boxer who pulled out lame, and he shocked the audience by winning. Several bouts later, Braddock was the heavyweight champion.

Although its box office take was not overly impressive, Cinderella Man is a great movie. According to respected talk show host Larry King, it is “one of the best movies ever!” Star Russell Crowe turns in a tear-jerking performance that allows Braddock’s deep love for his family to shine through. Renee Zellweger and Paul Giamatti round out a sparkling cast.

He had a lot to work with, but director Ron Howard made the most out of this uplifting story. You can feel the emotions in every scene: Braddock’s love for his family, the sadness of the depression, and the crowd’s support for the true underdog to win. A worthy film for any audience, Cinderella Man is one to see.

Ancient History: The Music Store: An Epilogue to The Heart is a Lonely Hunter

Posted on by knauff13

20160817_195703[1]

This story dates back to my Freshman year of college. In my Writing 111 class, in which we read Carson McCullers’ classic novel, The Heart is a Lonely Hunter, I received an assignment with the choice of: a) writing an essay, or b) writing a narrative “before or after Hunter in the life of the character you’ve been studying since Week 3.” In my case, this was the young aspiring musician Mick Kelly, and I chose to briefly check in on her life a few years after the conclusion of the novel.

Please understand that I do not consider this extended ending an improvement on McCullers’ novel in any way whatsoever!

Also, shout out to Ms. Garrison at Westminster College, who assigned this project, and whom I still consider one of my greatest influences on my desire to write. I am very grateful to have fallen into her class Freshman year.

The Music Store

On June 1, 1939, Mick Kelly walked down a Birmingham street on her way to work. Alone with her thoughts and the sounds of the city, she thought about the past five years that led her to this point. After her parents were forced to give up the house, she bought a bus ticket for the farthest distance she could afford and ended up in this Alabama town. Hoping to get a fresh start on her musical career, she found a job at Records and Reeds, a small music store. Unfortunately, the work involved took up so much of her time and paid so poorly that she could do little else but work and sleep. Time went by slowly and miserably. Suddenly, she was seventeen, with no family, no money, a shabby apartment, and no one to go to.

Thirty minutes later, Mick slouched into Records and Reeds. Her brusque manager gave her a cursory glance and a “Hmph,” as he looked back down at the guitar he was patiently stringing. Mick wove her way through the inventory scattered throughout the store. She began her usual task of dusting and cleaning every inch of the place. Mick’s job description was very clear: Clean Everything All The Time. When customers were in the store (which wasn’t often), she was expected to help them find what the needed (not necessarily what they wanted) and then resume her cleaning. Under no circumstances was she allowed to touch the instruments or records, ever. Luckily for Mick, her manager was often outside the store doing errands and looking for instruments and records to bring back to his store at discount prices.

It was during these times that Mick was able to take advantage of her job, and she certainly didn’t let the time go to waste. She usually spent at least an hour every day, either practicing on piano or trying out something new. Several times, her manager had come back earlier than expected. When he caught her, he would deduct the entire day’s pay, something that Mick could not afford to lose. As a result, she was constantly behind with her rent, and her gaunt figure was a sorry sight.

Despite his gruff greeting, her manager was unusually nice all day. “Please help the customers, Mick,” he said with a sympathetic smile. The “customers” were a skinny old man who looked around silently for a few minutes before easing his way out of the store. Nice as he had been, her manager still piled on the work, and Mick was exhausted by the end of the day.

Finishing her nightly chores, she made her way to the back room, where her manager was waiting to pay her for the day’s work. She hoped for her normal pay of $1.50, because her rent was long overdue. As she opened the door, her manager stood in the middle of the room with an envelope. She took it from his hand and found it to reveal a $5.00.

“Why are you giving me this much?” She started to ask, but the words died on her lips. The solemn look on her manager’s face told her everything she needed to know. Her time at Records & Reeds was over.

“The music ain’t sellin’,” her manager said anyway, sensing her question. “Hope this keeps yeh on your feet.”

Tears welling in her eyes, Mick made her way out of the store and back up the street toward her apartment. She walked in the front door of the building to find her landlord seated near the entryway.

“I don’t have my rent right now, but I will very, very soon, I promise,” Mick stammered.

“It’s too late, Mick. You owe me a month and a half, and you haven’t paid me on time in six months!”

“Please, just give me a chance. I just lost my job and I have nowhere to go…”

“I’m sorry. I have to pay my own bills.”

“How long do I have to get my stuff?”

“You can stay until noon tomorrow.”

Mick barely heard her as she brushed past to the staircase. She reached her small apartment and opened the door to find a dark room. She didn’t even bother to light a candle as she made her way through the room to her bed. Burying her face in her flat pillow, she cried herself to sleep.

Mick woke as the sun’s rays began to find their way into her window. Gathering all of her possessions in a small duffel bag, she walked out of her former apartment and building and onto the sidewalk. Glancing left, she turned to the right and walked toward the city limits. She reached the rural areas that surrounded the city by noon. As she walked on beside the road she glanced up to see a signpost reading “Atlanta – 100.”

With her eyes stuck firmly on the ground, Mick raised her thumb in the air. Four cars drove by within an hour, but none slowed. Mick walked on, music playing almost imperceptibly in her head.

Insane Ramblings of an 18-Year-Old College Student

Posted on by knauff13

Thirty-eight thoughts on school, sports, love, Carson McCullers, and the deep questions of life.

Writing 111 Journal Entries

1/18/05

If I were a rock star, I would be able to spend much more money than the meager savings I have accumulated through summer work. Instead of saving my quarters for a bag of chips I could be buying a factory to make chips of my own, specified to my very tastes. Instead of paying money to go to school, I could be reaping the benefits of doing nothing but having fun and looking good! Alas it was not meant to be. I wonder how many bands have a guitarist who doesn’t know how to play (my first guess – many).

1/19/05

As much as it can be difficult to go out and exercise, it is beneficial in many ways to do so. Fortunately, the fabled “runner’s high” has some truth to it. I think most people who begin to exercise would quickly realize that it is much more enjoyable once you start. Hasn’t it even been proven that people who exercise are happier in general than people who aren’t?

1/20/05

If deer had wings I think the world would be a much happier and less violent place. They would be much too difficult to hunt for sport, with their agility combined with flying ability and increased lines of sight. This would discourage hunters, who would likely be unable to find game as suitable as deer to shoot. To my delight, roadways would also be much clearer, as the deer would probably take to the sky for travels as opposed to backwater roads.

1/21/05

If soccer was more popular in the United States, perhaps foreign nations would like us more. We would seem more similar to them, and therefore more down to earth. Perhaps they would compliment us on our ability to be successful rather than despise us for our differences.

1/22/05

How do we know that we all see things in the same way? Perhaps the color that I call yellow is really blue in someone else’s vision. How would we know? If my vision was the complete inverse of someone else’s, what I consider to be a light shade may even be a dark shade. Maybe to some people white people look darker and black people are fair-skinned.

1/23/05

If the Steelers win today, I will be overjoyed. Unfortunately, it is halftime and not looking pretty. I’m not looking forward to having to look at all of the Boston fans in the eye and say, “yea, your team appears to be better.” Hopefully they will make a comeback the likes of which have never been seen.

1/24/05

When did it become appropriate to wear clothing at all times? When did people decide that men could walk around shirtless but women couldn’t? I wonder if the rules of clothing will ever change. Maybe 1000 years from now, only our eyes, ears, and mouths will be exposed. On the other hand, maybe clothing will only be worn in inclement weather.

1/25/05

I am going to play soccer today and lift afterwards. I have to wonder if all of this activity is going to start showing up on my report card. Will my grades suffer, or will the increased activity help my brain to function properly? Really, I just hope I’m not screwing up by working hard.

1/26/05

Thankfully, I was able to turn in my add/drop card before the free deadline. I previously had Bowling on my schedule, but decided it wasn’t worth it after I learned that it cost $52. I figure that I’m already paying enough just to be here. The school doesn’t need an extra $52 from me, especially when my wallet is already paper thin.

1/27/05

I’m a total fan of rock music. I love just about any kind of it. Be it Cream, Zeppelin, AC/DC, Pearl Jam, Stone Temple Pilots, whatever. It doesn’t much matter to me as long as it ‘rocks’. With that said, I have to say that I am pretty disgusted with the state of rock music today. Talentless fools dominate modern-rock airplay and I’m left to only classic rock stations to pick up the slack. When will the turnaround occur? Will it occur?

1/28/05

I am NOT looking forward to this weekend. Except for tonight, when I have a soccer game scheduled my weekend looks utterly horrible. Tomorrow I am working from 9-5:30 and Ill be doing exactly the same thing on Sunday. You might be thinking, “What? Oh, that’s not so bad.” You might be wrong. I work at a nursing home preparing food and washing dishes afterward. It’s probably one of the most disgusting jobs possible. I use it as inspiration to stay in school…

1/29/05

Home again, home again, jiggity-jig. Work wasn’t so bad. There are a couple cute girls working there now. But it is such a drag to be at home on a weekend like this. None of my friends are here. I have Carson McCullers and my family to keep me company. The TV is delightfully boring tonight. Anyway, 8 more hours of work and I’ll be back in wonderful New Wilmington!

1/30/04

It’s always nice to get back to school, where I’m comfortable. It’s crazy to think of how different that is from the beginning of the year. I used to go home on the occasional weekend to get a good night of sleep. Now it’s a relief to sleep in my nice comfortable college bed. Unfortunately, with all that work I’m going to have to scramble to get all of my writing homework done before Tuesday.

1/31/04

Relationships are a drag sometimes. Read: many times. Why is it that most things in the world that are worth anything take so much work? This one maybe really isn’t worth it. She just depresses me a lot. It’s a shame though because I’ve been dating her for a long time.

2/1/05

If I were a deaf/mute, I wonder how I would go about doing certain things. I would hate to learn sign language, either to read it or use it. Instead I think I would be much more interested in reading lips and attempting to speak without the use of my ears. At the very least I believe I would write messages down rather than sign them out. One good thing is that I would most likely not ever be encumbered by a telephone bill. Why would I need one?

2/2/05

I wonder sometimes about animal and insect civilizations. How consciously do they serve their leaders? if they are so unintelligent, how do they have leaders at all? I would love the opportunity to temporarily become an ant and infiltrate an anthill to see what there is to see and talk to other ants to find out what is going on. Would I be able to meet the queen, or would a soldier ant bar my entrance?

2/3/05

I want to invent a time machine so I can go back and watch some classic rock or even more recent bands perform live. Sure, there are more noble reasons for such an invention, but what could truly be more fun than going to see a Zeppelin concert live in the front row? Revival concerts just aren’t the same. The artists are too far removed from their work to perform it with the same conviction they once had.

2/4/05

This is pick-up weekend! Thankfully, I will be spared the anxiety of it all, as I won’t be pledging whether I’m invited to or not. The only fraternity I have even visited is Alpha Sigma Phi. They will probably invite me because I am a soccer player, but since I have no desire to ever live in the house I just don’t see how it would benefit me. I will content myself with an occasional visit on the weekends.

2/5/05

It’s a good thing that I decided not to pledge because I’m home anyway. My wallet remains thin as ever. I’m anxiously awaiting the day when money will start to appear in my bank account. Hopefully it will be sooner than later, because I feel that the frugal life doesn’t suit me. Bu then, maybe that’s why I’m in this situation in the first place.

2/6/05

Today is Super Bowl Sunday! I’m not even really a huge football fan, although I do watch the Steelers and sometimes a division rival every Sunday. Still, I have to wonder how long it will be until this is referred to as a national holiday. In many respects I think it already is that way, albeit without the title. I walked back into the dorms today and I honestly believe I was hearing the entire building watch the game at once. Does anything comparable happen on Presidents Day?

2/7/05

There is so much talk about the Patriots officially obtaining the status of “dynasty.” My sole question is:, “Who cares?” What’s in a title? And how do you but boundaries on a word like that? Apparently, three championships in four years will do it. It seems like a far cry from ancient empires that lasted for hundreds of years without break. If a civilization came into power for one year, lost control, then took it back for two more years, I hardly think it would be called a dynasty.

2/8/05

Why would anyone drink diet caffeine free Pepsi? It tastes bad. Despite its “diet” title, it really isn’t good for you. There is no caffeine so it won’t wake you up. It will stain your teeth. What is redeeming in such a drink? If its for the carbonation, I’m sure that there are drinks out there that are better for you. Sparkling water, perhaps?

2/9/05

Getting a cold is possibly one of the worst things about cold weather. I never realize how much I enjoy being healthy until I can’t breathe through my nose. Also, I think that there is some kind of rule that says when you have a cold, it is impossible to find a soft tissue. Abrasiveness is apparently what people look for when they go to buy tissues. Has the world gone crazy?

2/10/05

Valentine’s Day is everywhere. I think this is a good example of a holiday that has completely lost its meaning, even more so than Christmas. I wonder how large the percentage of people who don’t know the origins of Valentine’s Day is. I am certainly among that number. I just see a bunch of hearts and pink ribbons around, and know in my heart that no one in their right mind would invent a holiday to be like this. Perhaps commercialism is the root of everything here.

2/11/05

The Heart is a Lonely Hunter. I had mixed feelings starting this novel. Now that I am finished I agree with my original analysis. I’m not the type of reader who likes to go in for the “extra meanings.” My feeling is that in many cases the novel is simply a story and after it is written authors, scholars, and critics alike go back and infer all of these other meanings on it which were not intended in the first place. For my favorite example of this, see Lord of the Flies.

2/12/05

In some ways I think this is a novel for girls written by a girl. I’m not sure what exactly that means, but it’s like movies in a way. You always know when a movie has been released to target solely a female audience or solely a male audience. It’s not to say that either one is better, but the intentions make it less interesting for the opposite sex.

2/13/05

Despite my feelings about the novel in and of itself, I think Mick is a good universal example of adolescence. Obviously, she’s a girl, but many of the problems she faces (relationships with the opposite sex, abandoning childhood) are not unique to girls. Also, Mick’s aspirations with music parallels with the thousands of kids who dream of becoming pro athletes, only to have their hopes dashed when they realize how unlikely it is, for whatever reason.

2/14/05

Although Mick’s aspirations are clearly hurt by poverty, how likely is it that she would have ever had a real career as a musician? There are millions of people who play an instrument or sing, but only a select few of them ever make money at it. No one can deny that Mick has noble goals, but I question the reality of what she wants. The novel would suggest that Mick could clearly become the next Mozart if given a chance. Who’s to say she wouldn’t just become a good pianist?

2/15/05

Finally, all of the hearts will be gone for a year. Hearts could be my least favorite decoration. They don’t even vaguely resemble an actual heart. I wonder where the shape of a heart came from if not reality. Was it just a random shape that someone decided to start calling a heart? Regardless of my complaints, I guess no one else really cares that the heart design isn’t realistic.

2/16/05

It’s amazing that media is such a large part of our culture that a movie can make 300 million dollars in theater ticket sales. If a movie makes $300 million tickets cost $10 each, one in ten people in the United States went to see it. That is an amazing figure when you imagine all of the different types of people who must have gone to that movie.

2/17/05

Pennies should be eliminated from currency. No one uses them except to give change or save enough money to trade for a dollar. Most of the time when I receive any amount of money I’m thrilled, but if I ever get a penny it’s just a pain. It doesn’t even matter if the amount of the pennies I receive is greater than say, a nickel or quarter, because I’m so depressed to have to carry that much.

2/18/05

TitanNet is very annoying. I don’t understand the need for it. No matter how much networking it provides, it isn’t worth the powerless virus-blocking software and inept web browser. Half of the websites I want to go to show up with nothing but a nearly blank white screen that says “504: Bad Connection,” or something like that. What the heck is 504? Fortunately, TitanNet never blocks mainstream websites such as Yahoo!, where I check my main email…Oh, wait…

2/19/05

In this technological age, I wonder how long it will be until we buy a copy of a textbook online, and read it page for page using the web browser. It would save me energy, save the forests, and save me money, because production costs for the book company would be nearly cut out. It seems to me that enough people have their own computer today that it would be reasonable to do something like that.

2/20/05

I am totally drained from this weekend. I had two workdays in a row that I had to get up at 5:30 in the morning for. Tonight, I’m going to just go to sleep at 9 and wake up at 9 tomorrow morning. That is, if I can stay awake until then. Five hours seems like a long time to wait for this tired soul. The bottoms of my feet even hurt from standing so long!

2/21/05

This weather is disgusting; snow mixed with rain. If I ever move to a more southerly state, you can bet that it will be for a change in weather. It would be better If it was always warm in Pennsylvania, or even always cold The problem is that from day to day (and hour to hour), you never know what it will be like outside. Just last week it went from seventy degrees one day to 40 on the next and snowing most of the rest of the week. It’s difficult to deal with at college, because all of my summer clothes are at home. The second I think it is warm enough to go home and trade clothes, it’s too cold to wear a t-shirt.

2/22/05

I feel that I can relate to Mick a lot when it comes to music. I consider myself to be obsessive at times about it. Now, my musical tastes center on rock and reach outward from there, but I have a deep respect for every kind of music, including Mick’s choice of classical. Unfortunately, I don’t have the talent to dream of becoming a musician one day, but that will never stop me from listening with an open heart and open mind.

2/23/05

I can’t imagine what it would be like to be thrown into the streets today. If a second Great Depression occurred for some reason, and I was left without a home I believe that I would go crazy; however maybe the human soul is more enduring than I would believe. Maybe I would become a better person for the experience. Nevertheless, I don’t think anyone can deny that the shock of something would have serious and lasting effects.

2/24/05

Economics is the most made-up piece of crap class that I ever remember taking. In our first class we had an hour discussion about the “opportunity cost” of going to Pittsburgh. Now, it’s one thing to discuss what you might lose out on, but Econ takes it a step further. For some reason, it is necessary in Economics to establish fictional number values to anything, such as happiness. For instance, in a recent class I was told that “Matt receives “24 happiness” out of vanilla ice cream.” How do I deal with that kind of  (insert expletive here) without losing my mind?

Concert Review: Stone Temple Pilots 5.20.08

Posted on by knauff13

Scott Weiland’s first trip back to his hometown with longtime band STP after a 6-year hiatus. This review is a little interesting to me because at this point I was still a supermegafan. In the next couple years I became a little further disillusioned and disappointed about Weiland’s willingness and ability to stay sober. I would see them twice after this. In 2010 at Post Gazette Pavilion in Burgettstown, a few days after Weiland embarrassingly fell off the stage during a live show, he was barely coherent between songs. In 2011, STP returned to Pittsburgh to play IC Light Amphitheatre (now the site of Highmark Stadium), and the set was considerably tighter, but the crowd felt small for what had once been a major mainstream rock act–far smaller than the crowd at Post Gazette one year earlier, or the one that filled the same venue to the brim to see Weiland with Velvet Revolver in 2005.

But even though I’d lost faith in Weiland’s ability to stay sober and commit himself to his music, I was still shocked and upset at his untimely death in December of last year. This was still a man who was literally one of my idols throughout a significant part of my teen years and early 20’s, and I will always be sorry that he never pulled it together for one more great album with his old bandmates. Addiction is a scary beast, and a tricky one. Weiland could have decided that he’d conquered heroin, only to become complacent in his usage of other equally destructive substances and behaviors. Only those closest to him will really know. Regardless, I personally found this letter penned by Weiland’s ex-wife, Mary Weiland, massively affecting. In our heroes and celebrities, I think we can sometimes forget that they are also people whom others depend on intimately.

Weiland’s story wound up being a sad one, but his tribulations are eminently relatable to anyone who has struggled personally with addiction issues, or had someone in their life who has. If his death helped anyone get clean, or to face their problems, as I’m sure it did, at least some good will come of it. That’s still a sad story, but would be one worth telling.

Stone Temple Pilots – Cleveland, OH. – State Theater – May 20, 2008

The tension was palpable. The Stone Temple Pilots were about to take the stage in front of lead singer Scott Weiland’s hometown crowd for their first full solo show since the fall of 2002. That tour nearly came to blows between Weiland and lead guitarist Dean DeLeo; the result of years of unresolved and drug-addled conflicts between the two.

Nearly six years later, the scene could not be more different. Shortly after revealing a possible Stone Temple Pilots reunion, Scott Weiland left the supergroup Velvet Revolver and announced a gigantic 65-date tour with the band he helped form in the mid-80’s after meeting Robert DeLeo.

So here we are, at State Theater, Cleveland’s answer to Heinz Hall. The crystal chandeliers and ornate walls seem bizarre for a hard rock concert, and so do the ancient ushers. On the other hand, STP was never quite normal, and the elaborate decor is strangely befitting of Scott Weiland’s glam-rock style.

Ashes Divide unexpectedly hits the stage at 7:30 for a surprise opening set. Lead singer Billy Howerdel puts in a serviceable performance, but he is overshadowed by his drummer and lead guitarist, who frequently drown out his voice. Their single “The Stone,” opened the show, but little of the rest of the set was very distinguishable except, perhaps, for “Stripped Away.” They leave the stage gracefully at about 8:10 to modest applause.

Tension continues to mount as Weiland predictably takes his time making his way out to the stage. Finally, at roughly 9:00 a piano intro begins. Drummer Eric Kretz walks out from stage right and climbs up to his drum set. Bassist Robert DeLeo follows to the left side of the stage, where a mic sits for him to croon backup vocals. Dean follows to stage right. At last, Weiland walks out in a dapper black suit and fedora, still-lit cigarette burning in his hand.

The piano intro leads into hit song “Big Empty.” Weiland leans on the microphone and sings like he’s home. A gigantic LED-light screen swirls in purple psychadelia, changing to a drive down a desert road as Weiland sings, “Time to take her home / her dizzy head is conscience laden”

The Pilots take on a few more hits before delighting fans with the rarely-performed “Silvergun Superman.” A few songs later, Weiland addresses the crowd, telling us that the band is about to launch into one of their favorites, which they wrote on tour with the Butthole Surfers. “Lounge Fly” was also the long-time theme of MTV News (back when they still played music).

Weiland frequently displayed the group’s renewed kinship, constantly leaning on his band mates during solos between his snake-like movements around the stage. He rarely sits still and it makes for a visually gripping performance. After performing “Crackerman,” from their first album, the band randomly breaks into a James Brown jam, after which Robert DeLeo declares, “This is part of the reason I love you.”

Seven more songs follow before the band leaves the stage at 10:15. Undeterred, no one in the crowd moves. After five minutes of chanting, the band walks back onstage and jumps into “Sin.” Following the song, Scott addresses the crowd: “Are you ready? Are you ready?” And they launch into hit song “Dead & Bloated.” Clearly, everyone in the crowd is singing at the top of their lungs.

STP leaves the crowd with “Trippin’ on a Hole in a Paper Heart,” a song that has experienced growing popularity due to its presence on Guitar Hero II. The guitar solo is even better live. The four band members come together after the song to the front of the stage. Hands on each others shoulders, they take a bow for the booming crowd. They leave the stage, lights come on, and, as Cake put it, “The fans get up and they get out of town.”

Full Set list:
Big Empty
Wicked Garden
Big Bang Baby
Silvergun Superman
Vasoline
Lounge Fly
Lady Picture Show
Sour Girl
Creep
Crackerman
– random James Brown jam –
Plush
Interstate Love Song
Too Cool Queenie
Coma
Down
All in the Suit That You Wear
Sex Type Thing

Encore:
Sin
Dead & Bloated
Trippin’ on a Hole in a Paper Heart

Old Stuff: The Turkey’s Ghost Story

Posted on by knauff13

This is the very first story I ever wrote, from 1996 (5th Grade). I’ve only made a couple of light corrections to formatting and grammar. You might be able to tell that I wrote most of it on my way to a Thanksgiving dinner.

Introduction …Well, not really…

            Hi! My name is Big ‘Ol Fat Turkey. I am a Turk. I walk around on my drumsticks. I like to wave my chicken wings as people pass me by. But, I’m not a chicken, remember? I’m a big ‘ol fat turkey. I am Big ‘Ol Fat Turkey to be exact.

Since I’m a big ‘ol fat turkey, I hate Thanksgiving. Hee he he he haaa…ahem. If you believed what I just said, you should get mental help. I’m definitely NOT A TURKEY and I’m certainly not big and fat.

Okay, here’s the story; I’m being held prisoner in Windsor Castle in London, England. I’m writing this story in hopes that you, my lucky reader, will have a chance to save me! Again, if you believed that you should get mental help.

*Knock, Knock, Knock*

Ahh, I guess someone is at the door. Let’s see who it is.

Hello Turkey, Double-O Turkey! Geez, it’s only my neighbor, a secret turkey agent.

*Sigh* By now, if you believed anything I wrote, you should seriously consider getting a new brain.

I’M NOT A TURKEY

I’M NOT A PRISONER

And finally, my neighbor is NOT a secret agent named Double-O Turkey.

My neighbor is really just a normal person, and I, as you should all know, am just an ordinary author named Ben.

~ ~ ~

Interlude

            Does anybody have some Munchos? What? It’s hungrifying writing and reading and never actually writing a story!

Whoa, I just found a sparkly thing. It’s purple and blue.

~ ~ ~

On to the story!

 

Chapter 1: Strange Things

          Tony Malone is a boy in the 4th grade, just like you or me. He is nine years old and he likes to play hockey and football. Tony has a very strong throwing arm, so there is really no explanation for what I am going to tell you.

One day, Tony was playing catch with a football and his brother when strange things started to happen… Tony and his brother had been playing for a while, and they were about to call it quits. Tony threw the ball one last time, and he threw it so hard he felt like his arm was going to come off with it. It was amazing! The ball stopped in midair, then flew back at Tony so fast it knocked him out.

His older brother rushed over, hit him in the chest 10 times, dropped two buckets of water on him, then he smacked Tony across the face a couple times. Tony slowly opened his eyes and said, “OKAY YOU CAN STOP THAT NOW!” Then the football fell out of the air and knocked Tony out again. Tony’s brother was confused, but didn’t have any time to think. Tony was ca Ha-ha, fooled you. I didn’t mean to write that; it was a typo.

 

Chapter 2: The Hospital

            Tony was rushed into the house by his parents and put into his bed. He didn’t become conscious until the next day. When he woke up, he wandered down the hallway to the kitchen. As he was walking into the kitchen, he suddenly reversed course and flew backwards! He was knocked out again. Mr. and Mrs. Malone rushed him to the hospital.

As it turned out, Tony cracked his skull, and broke his right arm and his left leg. He had landed on a hardwood floor, so his parents bought a few rugs to make it softer in case it ever happened again. While Tony was in the hospital, there were two mix-ups. He had his tonsils and his appendix taken out while he was there. Five days later, Tony finally made it home.

Here’s what you probably didn’t know; it was a ghost knocking Tony around, but it never meant to hurt him! I guess you’re wondering? I’ll explain in chapter three.

 

Chapter 3: Bad Choice, Malones!

            If you really want to know, I’ll tell you. Tony made his mother call a medium because he just knew it was a ghost causing the entire ruckus. The medium found out what you and Tony already knew; that there was a ghost in the house. But he also found out why.

The ghost was really very friendly. It saw Tony and his brother playing catch, so at last it finally caught the ball and threw it back at Tony because it wanted to play too. Then, when Tony awoke, the ghost thought he was okay, and threw the football at him again.

In the kitchen, the ghost never meant to knock Tony out. It was just so happy Tony was okay that it rushed over to hug him and tackled him instead.

In case you are wondering, the ghost never caused the hospital mix-ups. Those were just an unfortunate coincidence. Mrs. Malone thought this was all too much. She fainted on the spot.

Mrs. Malone was so upset that the whole family packed up and left that day. They bought a pleasant little house on a farm in Pennsylvania. Unfortunately, once they got settled, they found that there was much more to this house than meets the eye too; however, this house had a much meaner ghost…

 

About the Author

            Ben is a great writer. He helps me with my writing sometimes. I’m Brandon Murphy. Ben is my best friend. He has a very good sense of humor in writing.

Brandon Murphy (1997)

            Ben is very funny. He is a great writer and a great friend.

Mark LaCava (1997)

Pencil Sketch of a Weird Couch, and Other …Stuff

Posted on by knauff13

I guess on this day around July 2007 (senior year of college), I decided I was freaking Salvador Dali or something.

Couch

And here we have a weird lady with scary black eyes apparently absorbing the Sun’s eye-rays.

Minerva

Oh look, I made a story to accompany this one.

MinervaStory

And finally, this appears to be my interpretation of Death, as a hairy worm with a bow on his scythe-tail, amid a sea of snakes. Because why not?

Screwtape

Liebe Fussball

Posted on by knauff13

From my sophomore year of college, an ode to my favorite sport.

1/23/06 “Liebe Fussball”

This game that I love, I play it for fun,

Dave was my first coach, because I am his son.

He told me, “Play hard, and play with your heart.”

And “All perfection with perfect practice will start.”

He said “Keep your head down, shoulders over the ball.”

He taught me to lead and to answer the call.

He encouraged me to try new teams and new coaches,

So I could improve on my skills and approaches.

At first this game was for me just an activity,

But in time I developed for this sport a proclivity.

This sport is for teams and be a team you must,

It requires much diligence, practice, and trust.

Trust is a true basis for friendships to build around,

So friendships with teammates are lastingly bound.

Even now as cruel time works out our fates,

Most of my friends are my old teammates.

Many memories dot the path we wrought and took,

They are difficult to separate to take a good look.

I remember those practices after school at night.

We refused to stop playing until we lost light.

At times denying nature itself was our form,

As we practiced right through a violent storm.

Practice always ended with a small competition,

Game choice determined by executive decision.

World Cup, races, playing without shoes,

Penalty kicks, juggling, and one on ones (or twos).

Not one team member would ever dare slumber,

When Dave said “Line up, and call out your number.”

These practices took place on Tuesday and Thursday,

But the weekends were that which held our hearts sway.

We endured defeats together but happiness we found,

Champions at Edinboro we were destined to be crowned.

We may be split now and fast losing touch,

But those days to me will always matter much.

When I remember the games, my senses can feel,

All of the things that make a memory so real.

With a deep blue sky, zephyrs grace the air,

Springtime sun shines warmth in my hair.

Our warm-up begins, we smell fresh-cut grass.

Twelve growing boys and one beautiful lass.

Out walks a referee who appears very stout,

Beside twenty-two athletes primed for this bout.

He signals he’s ready and we take the field,

Knowing that likely no goals we would yield.

Our well placed passes create patterns on the pitch.

Someone near the goal calls out for a switch.

We score very soon and devoted fans cheer,

Our focus is complete, so we don’t even hear.

The final whistle blows, it’s the end of the match.

We shake hands and leave our green grass patch.

To think of those days gives my heart such aid,

I hope beyond hope that the memories won’t fade.

Our era is even now so long in the past.

Time passed us by and left us so fast.

I’ve played this sport since but it never appealed,

As much as club soccer on a Mars Soccer Field.