Concert Review: Stone Temple Pilots 5.20.08

Scott Weiland’s first trip back to his hometown with longtime band STP after a 6-year hiatus. This review is a little interesting to me because at this point I was still a supermegafan. In the next couple years I became a little further disillusioned and disappointed about Weiland’s willingness and ability to stay sober. I would see them twice after this. In 2010 at Post Gazette Pavilion in Burgettstown, a few days after Weiland embarrassingly fell off the stage during a live show, he was barely coherent between songs. In 2011, STP returned to Pittsburgh to play IC Light Amphitheatre (now the site of Highmark Stadium), and the set was considerably tighter, but the crowd felt small for what had once been a major mainstream rock act–far smaller than the crowd at Post Gazette one year earlier, or the one that filled the same venue to the brim to see Weiland with Velvet Revolver in 2005.

But even though I’d lost faith in Weiland’s ability to stay sober and commit himself to his music, I was still shocked and upset at his untimely death in December of last year. This was still a man who was literally one of my idols throughout a significant part of my teen years and early 20’s, and I will always be sorry that he never pulled it together for one more great album with his old bandmates. Addiction is a scary beast, and a tricky one. Weiland could have decided that he’d conquered heroin, only to become complacent in his usage of other equally destructive substances and behaviors. Only those closest to him will really know. Regardless, I personally found this letter penned by Weiland’s ex-wife, Mary Weiland, massively affecting. In our heroes and celebrities, I think we can sometimes forget that they are also people whom others depend on intimately.

Weiland’s story wound up being a sad one, but his tribulations are eminently relatable to anyone who has struggled personally with addiction issues, or had someone in their life who has. If his death helped anyone get clean, or to face their problems, as I’m sure it did, at least some good will come of it. That’s still a sad story, but would be one worth telling.

Stone Temple Pilots – Cleveland, OH. – State Theater – May 20, 2008

The tension was palpable. The Stone Temple Pilots were about to take the stage in front of lead singer Scott Weiland’s hometown crowd for their first full solo show since the fall of 2002. That tour nearly came to blows between Weiland and lead guitarist Dean DeLeo; the result of years of unresolved and drug-addled conflicts between the two.

Nearly six years later, the scene could not be more different. Shortly after revealing a possible Stone Temple Pilots reunion, Scott Weiland left the supergroup Velvet Revolver and announced a gigantic 65-date tour with the band he helped form in the mid-80’s after meeting Robert DeLeo.

So here we are, at State Theater, Cleveland’s answer to Heinz Hall. The crystal chandeliers and ornate walls seem bizarre for a hard rock concert, and so do the ancient ushers. On the other hand, STP was never quite normal, and the elaborate decor is strangely befitting of Scott Weiland’s glam-rock style.

Ashes Divide unexpectedly hits the stage at 7:30 for a surprise opening set. Lead singer Billy Howerdel puts in a serviceable performance, but he is overshadowed by his drummer and lead guitarist, who frequently drown out his voice. Their single “The Stone,” opened the show, but little of the rest of the set was very distinguishable except, perhaps, for “Stripped Away.” They leave the stage gracefully at about 8:10 to modest applause.

Tension continues to mount as Weiland predictably takes his time making his way out to the stage. Finally, at roughly 9:00 a piano intro begins. Drummer Eric Kretz walks out from stage right and climbs up to his drum set. Bassist Robert DeLeo follows to the left side of the stage, where a mic sits for him to croon backup vocals. Dean follows to stage right. At last, Weiland walks out in a dapper black suit and fedora, still-lit cigarette burning in his hand.

The piano intro leads into hit song “Big Empty.” Weiland leans on the microphone and sings like he’s home. A gigantic LED-light screen swirls in purple psychadelia, changing to a drive down a desert road as Weiland sings, “Time to take her home / her dizzy head is conscience laden”

The Pilots take on a few more hits before delighting fans with the rarely-performed “Silvergun Superman.” A few songs later, Weiland addresses the crowd, telling us that the band is about to launch into one of their favorites, which they wrote on tour with the Butthole Surfers. “Lounge Fly” was also the long-time theme of MTV News (back when they still played music).

Weiland frequently displayed the group’s renewed kinship, constantly leaning on his band mates during solos between his snake-like movements around the stage. He rarely sits still and it makes for a visually gripping performance. After performing “Crackerman,” from their first album, the band randomly breaks into a James Brown jam, after which Robert DeLeo declares, “This is part of the reason I love you.”

Seven more songs follow before the band leaves the stage at 10:15. Undeterred, no one in the crowd moves. After five minutes of chanting, the band walks back onstage and jumps into “Sin.” Following the song, Scott addresses the crowd: “Are you ready? Are you ready?” And they launch into hit song “Dead & Bloated.” Clearly, everyone in the crowd is singing at the top of their lungs.

STP leaves the crowd with “Trippin’ on a Hole in a Paper Heart,” a song that has experienced growing popularity due to its presence on Guitar Hero II. The guitar solo is even better live. The four band members come together after the song to the front of the stage. Hands on each others shoulders, they take a bow for the booming crowd. They leave the stage, lights come on, and, as Cake put it, “The fans get up and they get out of town.”

Full Set list:
Big Empty
Wicked Garden
Big Bang Baby
Silvergun Superman
Vasoline
Lounge Fly
Lady Picture Show
Sour Girl
Creep
Crackerman
– random James Brown jam –
Plush
Interstate Love Song
Too Cool Queenie
Coma
Down
All in the Suit That You Wear
Sex Type Thing

Encore:
Sin
Dead & Bloated
Trippin’ on a Hole in a Paper Heart

Old Stuff: The Turkey’s Ghost Story

This is the very first story I ever wrote, from 1996 (5th Grade). I’ve only made a couple of light corrections to formatting and grammar. You might be able to tell that I wrote most of it on my way to a Thanksgiving dinner.

Introduction …Well, not really…

            Hi! My name is Big ‘Ol Fat Turkey. I am a Turk. I walk around on my drumsticks. I like to wave my chicken wings as people pass me by. But, I’m not a chicken, remember? I’m a big ‘ol fat turkey. I am Big ‘Ol Fat Turkey to be exact.

Since I’m a big ‘ol fat turkey, I hate Thanksgiving. Hee he he he haaa…ahem. If you believed what I just said, you should get mental help. I’m definitely NOT A TURKEY and I’m certainly not big and fat.

Okay, here’s the story; I’m being held prisoner in Windsor Castle in London, England. I’m writing this story in hopes that you, my lucky reader, will have a chance to save me! Again, if you believed that you should get mental help.

*Knock, Knock, Knock*

Ahh, I guess someone is at the door. Let’s see who it is.

Hello Turkey, Double-O Turkey! Geez, it’s only my neighbor, a secret turkey agent.

*Sigh* By now, if you believed anything I wrote, you should seriously consider getting a new brain.

I’M NOT A TURKEY

I’M NOT A PRISONER

And finally, my neighbor is NOT a secret agent named Double-O Turkey.

My neighbor is really just a normal person, and I, as you should all know, am just an ordinary author named Ben.

~ ~ ~

Interlude

            Does anybody have some Munchos? What? It’s hungrifying writing and reading and never actually writing a story!

Whoa, I just found a sparkly thing. It’s purple and blue.

~ ~ ~

On to the story!

 

Chapter 1: Strange Things

          Tony Malone is a boy in the 4th grade, just like you or me. He is nine years old and he likes to play hockey and football. Tony has a very strong throwing arm, so there is really no explanation for what I am going to tell you.

One day, Tony was playing catch with a football and his brother when strange things started to happen… Tony and his brother had been playing for a while, and they were about to call it quits. Tony threw the ball one last time, and he threw it so hard he felt like his arm was going to come off with it. It was amazing! The ball stopped in midair, then flew back at Tony so fast it knocked him out.

His older brother rushed over, hit him in the chest 10 times, dropped two buckets of water on him, then he smacked Tony across the face a couple times. Tony slowly opened his eyes and said, “OKAY YOU CAN STOP THAT NOW!” Then the football fell out of the air and knocked Tony out again. Tony’s brother was confused, but didn’t have any time to think. Tony was ca Ha-ha, fooled you. I didn’t mean to write that; it was a typo.

 

Chapter 2: The Hospital

            Tony was rushed into the house by his parents and put into his bed. He didn’t become conscious until the next day. When he woke up, he wandered down the hallway to the kitchen. As he was walking into the kitchen, he suddenly reversed course and flew backwards! He was knocked out again. Mr. and Mrs. Malone rushed him to the hospital.

As it turned out, Tony cracked his skull, and broke his right arm and his left leg. He had landed on a hardwood floor, so his parents bought a few rugs to make it softer in case it ever happened again. While Tony was in the hospital, there were two mix-ups. He had his tonsils and his appendix taken out while he was there. Five days later, Tony finally made it home.

Here’s what you probably didn’t know; it was a ghost knocking Tony around, but it never meant to hurt him! I guess you’re wondering? I’ll explain in chapter three.

 

Chapter 3: Bad Choice, Malones!

            If you really want to know, I’ll tell you. Tony made his mother call a medium because he just knew it was a ghost causing the entire ruckus. The medium found out what you and Tony already knew; that there was a ghost in the house. But he also found out why.

The ghost was really very friendly. It saw Tony and his brother playing catch, so at last it finally caught the ball and threw it back at Tony because it wanted to play too. Then, when Tony awoke, the ghost thought he was okay, and threw the football at him again.

In the kitchen, the ghost never meant to knock Tony out. It was just so happy Tony was okay that it rushed over to hug him and tackled him instead.

In case you are wondering, the ghost never caused the hospital mix-ups. Those were just an unfortunate coincidence. Mrs. Malone thought this was all too much. She fainted on the spot.

Mrs. Malone was so upset that the whole family packed up and left that day. They bought a pleasant little house on a farm in Pennsylvania. Unfortunately, once they got settled, they found that there was much more to this house than meets the eye too; however, this house had a much meaner ghost…

 

About the Author

            Ben is a great writer. He helps me with my writing sometimes. I’m Brandon Murphy. Ben is my best friend. He has a very good sense of humor in writing.

Brandon Murphy (1997)

            Ben is very funny. He is a great writer and a great friend.

Mark LaCava (1997)

Being Not Smart

Great. Hoo-ray. This phone would be just flipping perfect if all I needed right now was a two pound piece of plastic in my pocket. My phone will be fine, I said. I have GPS, I said. It has fantastic battery life, I said.

Let’s see if I can count the number of mistakes I made  today on two hands. Start with going hiking. I never go hiking. Whose hare-brained idea was that? Oh yeah, Erica’s! “You should get out more. Be more active. Outdoorsy.” Well, she finally convinced me, didn’t she?

Okay, yes, you called her a bitch and you’re not talking to each other anymore, and you’re really only out here to prove that you have some vague sense of ambition and fortitude.

But I AM out here, right? Alone… Ah yes, number two. Hiking alone. Which is great. Just Great. Very… peaceful. Alone in a t-shirt and shorts. Without a tent. Or food. And a now-empty gatorade bottle. No compass.

I also didn’t tell anyone where I was going hiking.

Why did you not do that? Some sense of pride? Thought Erica would be impressed with your stupidity? Jesus, did you even tell anyone you were going hiking at ALL? Let’s call that one a twofer. Not to mention you chose to go hiking in the remotest area on the map you could find, you fuuuuu….dging idiot.

Let’s not start that again. I lost the swearing argument at least 8 weeks ago. What else? I quite clearly did not take into account how quickly my battery would run down with my GPS running and a weak signal in the woods. Christ, I think I’m out of fingers.

Let’s stop and think a second. What did dad always tell you about wandering in the woods? Find water and follow it downhill. It’s likely to take you somewhere. Probably sound advice, right? When was the last time you saw water?

Have I even seen it since I’ve been out here? If I did, it doesn’t matter, because guess what?

You don’t remember where it was, do ya?

Nope. Okay, what else… Uhh. Sunnn. Sun, Sun… sun may rise in the east at least it settles in a final location. Thank you, Anthony Kiedis. Alright, I headed in from the South, so… where did the sun go down?

Holy hell, if Erica, was ever right about something, it would be this. You. Do. Not. Pay. Attention. Man alive.

Alright, I acknowledge this. My attention to peripheral details could use some work. It’s because I have such laser focus on the present.

Such great laser focus that you neglected or forgot to bring almost everything you would need today.

Shut up.

It doesn’t help that since the sun has gone down all of those pretty oranges and golds and rust-reds have faded into a grayscale in the dim light.It’s getting harder to see, and everything looks the same. A jacket would really feel great right now, too. And pants. And I thought mosquitos were supposed to hibernate or something in the fall. That’s okay, the itching makes me warm up a little. Except when it gives me chills.

FOCUS.

Right, right, the task at hand. Sooo it looks vaguely less gray to… my… right. Yes. Assuming that’s West, I guess I should forge ahead. Good. I knew I was right.

You know you’re a walking cliche for a bad horror flick right now, don’t you?

Shut up. How is that helping? Now all I’m going to be thinking about are gruesome clown killers and mutated Sasquatches wearing chainsaw necklaces.

Is that gruesome killers of clowns or killer clowns who are gruesome?

Either, really, I guess… It’s so dark. Maybe I should just stop and wait for light.

Yeah, and PAY ATTENTION when it comes back.

Ugh. Why do I always have to get the last word?

Because you love getting the last word.

That I do…

What was that?

What was what?

That. That noise you just ignored. It sounded like a twig snapping.

It was probably a twig snapping. I’m in the woods.

Yeah, but what snapped it? It sounded heavy. You shouldn’t stop here.

It’s fine.

There! There was another one! You’re not really going to stay there, are you? Right there? With the noises? From the things? Heavy things?

Okay, I’m not going to spaz. I’ll keep walking. But not because of the twigs.

Good. Go then.

I’m gone.

Okay, that one didn’t sound like a twig. That was a grunt. A diseased and gravelly grunt that originated from the coldest depths of some unending chasm in hell.

Coldest depths of hell? Really?

You know what it means. Move!

Ugh. I skipped one too many gym classes. Too many things are jiggling and my I think my knees are creaking, literally.

You skipped one too many salads, too. Whatever is  out there, it sounds like it’s getting closer. You’re going to have to go faster.

I’m running, okay? It’s so hard to see. I’m not even sure there’s really something really out there! Ow! Son of a…

That paying attention thing. Now you’ve gone and run into an oak tree, dummkopf. Better recover quickly. Aufstehen!

I must have hit my head pretty hard. I think I understand German.

Nein. You really don’t. The same handful of words you barely knew in high school. Seriously, get up, now. Things are moving closer.

Things? Okay, okay. Shit, everything hurts. My lungs are burning. It was hard enough to see without the stars swirling in my peripheral vision. How far am I going to have to go? I can’t do this much longer.

You have to. It could be anything. You are not strong. You will not put up a good fight.

I’m not fast, either. Jesus. What IS it?

No way to tell. You’re not fast, but you don’t have a whole lot of options right now. Whoa, that was a loud crack. Go faster. Maybe you’ll get lucky and run into your car. Or find headlights, anything…

Alright, okay. Dodging pine tree to the left. Ducking under regular-tree tree branch.

Regular botanist, you are. You need to move faster.

Shut up. Okay, avoid stump. Involuntarily run through spider web. Stomp through mud patch.

Faster.

Swat leafy branch. My ankles won’t take many more of these jukes.

Faster!

Stumble past prickly bush. Scrape through rough saplings.

IT’S RIGHT BESIDE YOU.

(Originally posted on Geeks and Geeklets)

Movie Review: Spirited Away

(Originally posted on Geeks and Geeklets)

Spirited Awaycover

Title: Spirited Away

Director: Hayao Miyazaki

Release Date: July 7, 2001

Genre: Animation, Fantasy, Adventure

MPAA Rating: PG

Running Time: 125 minutes

Starring:

● Daveigh Chase

● Suzanne Pleshette

● Jason Marsden

Kid Friendly Rating: 9+. The movie features several spooky monsters and storylines, and some characters smoke and drink ambiguous substances. Click here for the Parent Rating Guide!

Personal Rating: 5/5

Synopsis: Ten-year-old Chihiro and her family are on their way to a new home and a new life, when Chihiro’s father spots a potential shortcut through a wooded lane. The family arrives at a mysterious dark tunnel in the road, and Chihiro’s parents decide to take a walk to see what lies at the other end. They discover what looks like an abandoned theme park in the middle of a grassy meadow. When Chihiro’s parents smell fresh food, the hunger from a long car ride sets in and gets the best of them, and they go off in search of the source, against Chihiro’s protestations.

Chihiro is unable to persuade her parents to leave, and when sun sets, she finds herself trapped in a resort populated by spirits who come from near and far to seek refuge. Chihiro meets a boy named Haku, who offers to help Chihiro find safety in the resort. Chihiro soon sets off on a quest to meet the leader of the resort and find freedom both for herself and her parents.

Pictures:

Spirited-Away-spirited-away-4372460-852-480 Spirited_away_05 Spirited-Away-spirited-away-4373410-852-480 Spirited-Away-spirited-away-4377302-852-480 Spirited-Away-spirited-away-4377088-852-480 Spirited-Away-spirited-away-4377743-852-480

Memorable Quotes:

Aogaeru: Welcome the rich man, he’s hard for you to miss. His butt keeps getting bigger, so there’s plenty there to kiss!

Zeniba: We’re identical twins and exact opposites.

Final Thoughts:

What a strange and wonderful movie! This movie has been on my must-see list for so long. It’s been around since 2001, so perhaps many people are already familiar with it, but it seems almost like Disney is content to just let it sit on the shelf for English-speaking audiences to discover on their own. With a two-year-old running around and my Netflix queue looking slim, I figured it was finally time to give it a chance.

The story shares quite a bit with Louis Carroll’s Alice in Wonderland. It is full of all manner of silly and sometimes scary creatures, humorous moments, and sticky situations for the young protagonist. Chihiro starts out as a very restless and scared little girl, but you can see and feel her maturing and growing in confidence through each of her escapades.

My wife and I were both excited to find a great new movie to watch, but best of all, our daughter watched with rapt attention for a good hour! Granted, she was also tired, but this never happens!

Bottom line, this is the best kind of kid friendly movie: one the kids love, and the adults will like, too.

Book Review: Master of Formalities

(Originally posted on Geeks and Geeklets)

MasterFormalities

Title: Master of Formalities

Author: Scott Meyer

Published: July 7, 2015

Pages: 448

Genre: Science Fiction/Comedy

Kid Friendly Rating: 10+ The book includes some details about an ongoing war, but descriptions of the violence are not especially gruesome or realistic.

Synopsis: Wollard is Master of Formalities for House Jakabitus, one of two major families in the galaxy (along with House Hahn) whose planets have been deadlocked in conflict for centuries, although the reasons for the war have become vague.

As Master of Formalities, Wollard wears many hats. He serves as official advisor to the House matriarch on issues of good form and interplanetary relations, he serves as a sort a household head butler, and he also reports to the Arbiters, and impartial interplanetary governing authority who appoint Masters of Authority to each ruling House.

When the Hahn ruler’s only son is taken as a prisoner of war, Wollard suggests a course of action that he believes could bring an end to the war, once and for all. Under Wollard’s advisement, the Hahn prince is held as a ward of House Jakabitus.

Wollard has engendered a great deal of respect in his role as Master of Formalities, but his goodwill and position are quickly put under a great deal of strain when plans don’t go exactly as expected.

Wollard is a sympathetic figure, as he clearly values his position, and is loved by his colleagues, but his respect for his job can sometimes lead him to make decisions that are not necessarily in his own best interests. It is very interesting to watch him balance his position with his will to give proper advice as pressure mounts.

Scott Meyer, currently better known for his popular “Magic 2.0” series (Sarindre previously reviewed book 1 of this fun series here), took a break from time-traveling wizards to write this one. I’ve greatly enjoyed that series, and would have happily read another, so I decided to give this book a try. I’m really happy I did.

Meyer turns down the magic and turns his dry and witty sense of humor to 11.

spinaltap11

This book doesn’t have a lot of one-liners or memorable jokes, but Meyer is such a clever writer, with really great grasp of the humor inherent in bizarre or awkward situations, that I found myself laughing aloud several times. I was especially reminded of Douglas Adams’ fantastic Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy series, both in the science fiction setting, and the off-kilter sense of humor. Like Adams’ series, however, this story is really weird. If you prefer non-fiction or realistic fiction, this may not be the book for you.

Final Thoughts: I have to say, I’m looking forward to the next story in this series even more than the next installment in Magic 2.0. I give it 4/5 stars. If you love Hitchhiker or Spaceballs, give it a shot.

Pencil Sketch of a Weird Couch, and Other …Stuff

I guess on this day around July 2007 (senior year of college), I decided I was freaking Salvador Dali or something.

Couch

And here we have a weird lady with scary black eyes apparently absorbing the Sun’s eye-rays.

Minerva

Oh look, I made a story to accompany this one.

MinervaStory

And finally, this appears to be my interpretation of Death, as a hairy worm with a bow on his scythe-tail, amid a sea of snakes. Because why not?

Screwtape

Liebe Fussball

From my sophomore year of college, an ode to my favorite sport.

1/23/06 “Liebe Fussball”

This game that I love, I play it for fun,

Dave was my first coach, because I am his son.

He told me, “Play hard, and play with your heart.”

And “All perfection with perfect practice will start.”

He said “Keep your head down, shoulders over the ball.”

He taught me to lead and to answer the call.

He encouraged me to try new teams and new coaches,

So I could improve on my skills and approaches.

At first this game was for me just an activity,

But in time I developed for this sport a proclivity.

This sport is for teams and be a team you must,

It requires much diligence, practice, and trust.

Trust is a true basis for friendships to build around,

So friendships with teammates are lastingly bound.

Even now as cruel time works out our fates,

Most of my friends are my old teammates.

Many memories dot the path we wrought and took,

They are difficult to separate to take a good look.

I remember those practices after school at night.

We refused to stop playing until we lost light.

At times denying nature itself was our form,

As we practiced right through a violent storm.

Practice always ended with a small competition,

Game choice determined by executive decision.

World Cup, races, playing without shoes,

Penalty kicks, juggling, and one on ones (or twos).

Not one team member would ever dare slumber,

When Dave said “Line up, and call out your number.”

These practices took place on Tuesday and Thursday,

But the weekends were that which held our hearts sway.

We endured defeats together but happiness we found,

Champions at Edinboro we were destined to be crowned.

We may be split now and fast losing touch,

But those days to me will always matter much.

When I remember the games, my senses can feel,

All of the things that make a memory so real.

With a deep blue sky, zephyrs grace the air,

Springtime sun shines warmth in my hair.

Our warm-up begins, we smell fresh-cut grass.

Twelve growing boys and one beautiful lass.

Out walks a referee who appears very stout,

Beside twenty-two athletes primed for this bout.

He signals he’s ready and we take the field,

Knowing that likely no goals we would yield.

Our well placed passes create patterns on the pitch.

Someone near the goal calls out for a switch.

We score very soon and devoted fans cheer,

Our focus is complete, so we don’t even hear.

The final whistle blows, it’s the end of the match.

We shake hands and leave our green grass patch.

To think of those days gives my heart such aid,

I hope beyond hope that the memories won’t fade.

Our era is even now so long in the past.

Time passed us by and left us so fast.

I’ve played this sport since but it never appealed,

As much as club soccer on a Mars Soccer Field.

Chapter 1: Underground

Amy was counting her 74th day underground. On the 75th, she would go out, for whatever waited outside.

She counted herself lucky. Amy knew that she was probably among the world’s 1% most-prepared private individuals to hold out in the event of a total world disaster. She also knew that the very fact of her continued existence meant that there was some hope for what was left. Her shelter was basically entombed beneath the basement of her ranch home in West View, PA, but it was far from impregnable. If the world had ended completely, she would have known about it.

Still, Amy was terrified of what waited beyond. Truth be told, she was terrified before she ever built the thing and stocked it. She was terrified back when she bought the house, terrified when she set off on her own, terrified when she graduated high school. Amy derided therapy as a “crock of shit,” but if she’d ever subjected herself to a professional opinion, she may have largely traced it back to a day early in her Senior year of high school. Approximately 9 in the morning on September 11, 2001, to be exact.

Amy was whispering with her friends Josh and Trav, lamenting the choice to take Calculus instead of an extra study hall or a blow-off, when the teacher broke the lesson to take a phone call. Then an announcement of news that made no sense. A plane had crashed into the World Trade Center. Amy almost laughed, the idea was so absurd. This wasn’t a game of Flight Simulator. How could they not miss?

When the TV came on, the news set in. Just like that, Amy’s foundation was shaken, without even fully realizing it. As more news came out over the days, months, and years to follow, Amy changed from an overconfident teen into an adult obsessed with insurgent terror threats, foreign nuclear threats, chemical warfare, and all manner of worldwide tension.

When she found a small home with an unusually large sub-basement fruit cellar, she knew she’d found the perfect place to turn her fear over the state of the world into a plan of action. Over five years, she spent almost all of her not-inconsiderable expendable income on preparing a safe room in the event of total world disaster. She had buckets and buckets of potable water, innumerable canned goods, dry foods, heat, lighting, ventilation, clothes, and even an installed generator system with plenty of fuel and backup batteries. She also had a hand-cranked radio and a collection of books and trivia booklets to tide her over.

When news reports surfaced in late 2018 that North Korea was preparing another round of nuclear testing, not many world leaders batted an eye. It had happened seemingly dozens of times before, sometimes to comical effect. Just one more event of posturing in a long line of them, right? But then a small nuclear bomb killed 20,000 people in Seoul, nearly instantly. Followed by some type of chemical attack on Pyongyang–reports were conflicting and unclear. What is clear is that China blamed the US, South Korea, and Germany for the counter-attack. And these countries blamed 5 others and a handful of groups without national affiliations. On December 5, 2018, 10 more cities of various sizes had taken major hits, and the list was growing. On December 7, after several sleepless days spent watching a TV with two feet in her wig-out hole, Amy’s legs turned to Jello. The moment she had feared for most of her adult life. Breaking report of a projectile estimated to be headed toward Pittsburgh. That was plenty close enough. Way too close, in fact. Amy headed underground.

That was 74 days ago. The first ten days had been okay, if you discount the constant feelings of shitting yourself with fear, or puking, or both. Interspersed through this time, Amy read several novels that were so exciting she thought she could shit herself, and solved so many puzzles she thought she would puke with pride. Her emotions were, understandably, a little muddled at this time. She had electricity when she needed it, and plenty of food and water.

Amy tried to work her hand-cranked radio for news reports, but the reception was either too poor, or there was no radio station operating close enough to pick up. She thought she heard snips of words here and there, but everything fuzzed out almost immediately, and the words that came through were not promising. Massacred. Rioters. Chaos. Bombs. Loss.

Amy felt deep rumbles through the walls of her fortress, and occasional reports, as if from gun fire, but the sounds came distantly, muffled through the layers of steel and concrete surrounding the entrance to her room.

The following 15 days were a little less constantly panicky. Amy had whole moments when she thought she might be bored. These thoughts were quickly replaced with feelings of guilt and shame. She never really knew her mother, and her father died of a heart attack three years earlier, but her brother was out there, somewhere. Amy hoped. Jake lived with his wife, Carrie, and two kids in a cabin in the hills of southern WestbygodVirginia. Amy prayed that his cabin was remote enough to survive whatever was happening out there. She’d never been there.

On day 27, Amy was no longer able to pick up any radio snippets at all. She told herself it was the cheap manufactured-in-Taiwan radio.

On day 46, Amy decided she needed to stretch out her food. She started reading her favorite novels for the third time. She was hoping that his time Pip would not be such an insufferable twat to Joe. It wasn’t looking good.

Amy ran out of power, apart from her flashlights and backup battery stockpile, on day 57. Despite her room’s location under the ground, it became very damp and bone-chilling without the benefit of any added heat. Amy bundled up in her blankets the best she could. She had to balance her needs to conserve energy, food, and water with her desire to keep the shivers away by moving around.

On day 72, Amy was down to two cups of dry Oatmeal. Her stomach was a constant gnawing ache of hunger that eating seemed only to make worse. Amy was not accustomed to going short on food. Prior to going underground, Amy padded her generous bodily portions with constant helpings of carbs and cheap fast food. If nothing else, her time in the room had eroded her weight somewhat, although Amy judged that the pallor of her skin would make her no more appealing to the opposite sex.

Amy hadn’t ever had much time for the other sex anyway, at least since high school. The few men who actually made it to her house were slightly weirded out by her obsession with “prepping.” She did her best to expound upon her fears, but they largely fell on deaf ears. Amy was very familiar with the clouded, distant expressions that dawned on her friends’ faces as she explained her habits. Even Jake had reacted dubiously the first time he stepped into her home. He observed the threadbare carpets, the garage sale TV, the flimsy kitchen table, the handful of Goodwill furniture. There is nothing wrong with any of these things, of course. Jake and the others just didn’t understand how someone could have a great job like Amy, and pour it all into a basement freakout room.

Jake hadn’t called in about a year. She supposed that was her fault. The’d never been the friendliest brother and sister in the world, but their last meeting wasn’t exactly acrimonious. At dad’s funeral, Jake implied that Amy’s lifestyle was harder on him than it should have been. Or maybe he was really only saying Amy should take it easier on herself. Either way, Amy responded by telling Jake in no uncertain terms that he was not properly looking out for the future of his family. At that, Jake scoffed and walked away. They hadn’t passed more than perfunctory greetings and “how are you’s” since.

Why did I do that? She asked herself. Did I really expect him to say, Gee, sis, you’re right on the money, there. I do need an escape room, just like almost no one else in the country. It all makes sense now.

She guessed it was some mixture of the emotion of the situation, her pride, and her constantly fragile state that made her lash out. She really wanted Jake closer, not farther away.

Amy wondered how many of her so-called friends were okay. It seemed that no one had come to check on her, but she wasn’t really close enough with anyone to expect such treatment. Amy resolved that when this was over, she was going to track Jake down and make amends. She felt she owed it to him, and this extended time in solitude had brought it fully into focus.

It was about 20 days since the last of the eruptions of sound outside, but she was still scared. Not just of what might happen to her and who may be laying in wait, but because she wasn’t sure anymore what the world might look like. In a way, silence was far worse than noise, even bad noise. Amy decided she could wait, just a little bit longer. She pulled her blankets closer and stifled a shiver.

On day 74, Amy drank the last of her water. She was starving. She was thirsty. She was god-damned tired of being in this fucking room. She was terrified, yes, but she had to go out sometime. But day 75 sounded better. 75 is a nice, round number. Never mind that 75 days has no real meaning as to relative safety following a massive world war. She went to sleep that night, and slept fitfully and in starts, dreaming for the umpteenth time about bombs falling with nowhere to run.

Amy woke on day 75 feeling weak, but ready for whatever lay beyond. She packed up Great Expectations, a few items of clothing, pushed her small antique .32 revolver into her jacket pocket, and shouldered open the door.

Originally posted on Geeks and Geeklets

Android Game Review: Fallout Shelter

Originally posted on Geeks and Geeklets

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Title: Fallout Shelter

Developer: Bethesda Game Studios

Platforms: iOS; Android

Release Dates: June 14, 2015 (iOS); August 13, 2015 (Android)

Genre: Simulation

Players: Single player

ESRB Rating: N/A

Kid Friendly Rating: 12+Violence in the form of raider and monster attacks. Fights involve swords and guns but blood and gore is minimal. Vault dwellers sometimes move out of view to get “friendly” with each other and return pregnant. In-game purchases.

Personal Rating: 3.5/5

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Synopsis:

You have been appointed Overseer of your own vault. Rescue dwellers from the wasteland and put them to work generating resources in return for their protection. Equip your dwellers with the skill and weapons necessary to fend off mole rat, raider, and Death Claw attacks.

This game is surprising in its depth for what is, essentially, a clever marketing tool for Bethesda’s upcoming Fallout 4. Each dweller has his/her own skill attributes across seven categories. These skills determine how effective the dweller will be in a particular room. For example, dwellers with high  S (strength) attributes perform well in power generating rooms. You can create rooms to generate resources, as well as to level up a dweller’s skill categories. Unrelated male and female dwellers assigned to living quarters will sometimes create babies, who grow up to become adult vault dwellers. You can also send your dwellers out into the wasteland to gather gear, weapons, and caps (cash), but make sure they are well-equipped, or they may not survive for long.

The game is addictive, especially early on, as you attempt to scrape your way toward a happy vault. As your vault becomes bigger, resources become easier to maintain, but occasionally more difficult foes come along to keep you on your toes.

It’s not the most heart-pounding game in the world, but for a casual gamer who enjoyed Fallout 3, and other simulation games like Sim City or Rollercoaster Tycoon, this is a good bet.

Book Review: The Martian

Originally posted on Geeks and Geeklets

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Title: The Martian

Author: Andy Weir

Published: 2011 (e-book); March 2013 (audiobook); February 2014 (hardcover)

Pages: 369

Genre: Science Fiction/Thriller

Kid Friendly Rating: 13+ for some coarse language; however, there is enough realistic science in the book that I would hesitate to discourage any mature science-minded kids from reading it.

Synopsis: Astronaut Mark Watney was part of a NASA crew performing science experiments on the surface of Mars. Gravely injured in a freak sandstorm that forced an emergency evacuation of the crew, Watney was mistakenly left for dead. With his crew thousands of miles from the planet and unaware of his survival, Watney must use every ounce of his knowledge and resourcefulness to hold out for a rescue.

One of my favorite science-fiction authors is Arthur C. Clarke. In my mind, it’s not so much his exhilarating prose; it’s his thought-provoking ideas coupled with a solid grasp of current science and theoretical physics. Keeping one leg firmly rooted in the familiar, or at least moderately believable, adds extra layers to the story. Ah! How crazy would it be if I was seeing this on the news? What if it was me!? In a sense, Weir owes a debt of gratitude to Apollo 13. We don’t even have to wonder if something like this could happen. It already has happened, albeit on a much smaller scale. But where Weir could have done everything wrong, and instead hit the mark so well, is in the details.

First, Watney. Watney is an everyman. Instantly relatable as your wisecracking friend who is just a little bit off-kilter, but loveable for it. We follow Watney as he weaves his way through a cavalcade of obstacles, attacking each with MacGyver-like ingenuity.

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Almost every problem seems plausible, and his solutions feel realistic, from generating/maintaining food, to replenishing oxygen, to attempts to communicate with NASA, to efforts to secure his rescue.

Don’t let the science deter you, though! This is an edge-of-your-seat page-turner in every aspect. The stakes are high, the prognosis is grim. It starts out with a bang, almost literally, and from there it is a rollercoaster ride of near-death experiences from front to back, with a gripping climax. Weir balances the stakes with Watney’s irreverent sense of humor for a really fun read.

An added benefit to reading this book now: It’s coming to theaters soon! Really soon. Like, October 2015 soon. So get reading, and see your new favorite book come to life! With Maaatt Daamon. No, he’s okay, right? He’s pretty good. Just forget that he was recently in space in Interstellar. And Elysium. He’s done other things, you guys.

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If previews can be relied on, it looks like Hollywood has caught on to some of the more positive aspects of the book, as Damon’s Watney intones, “I’m gonna have to science the shit out of this.”

Final Thoughts: I enjoyed this book thoroughly, and I’ve encouraged many of my friends and family to give it a read. I have yet to hear a poor review! It rivals Dune and The Martian Chronicles for my favorite Mars-based book. I give it 4/5 stars.